Who I Am

Have you ever had a thought or a feeling that you just can't get out your mind.  I have had one of those for over a month now and decided I would put it down on in writing.

Now, this all began some time ago when a new song started playing on K-love, our christian radio station.  It is "Remind Me Who I Am" by Jason Gray.  I felt drawn to this song for many reasons.  After living years of emotional abuse that led to physical abuse I had become completely convicned of the false things I heard.  I wasn't worthy, I wasn't good enough, I was always to blame. I wasn't this, I wasn't that...I was this, I was that.  It seemed to me that after years of this behavior I forgot the one thing that mattered the most.  No matter what, I am someone special.  My heavenly father has an identity for me that no one else can ever change.  I am beloved.  Hearing the reminders that I needed to hear put into words just about broke me.  Please Lord, remind me on a daily basis just who I am in you.

Months went by.  I listened to that song freqently.  I have had discussions with Paityn about what exactly it is that the words are saying...  Seeing the understanding her face as she now sings the words with me. I listen when I am at work, I listen in the car, I listen at home.  For whatever reason I just couldn't get this song out of my head.

Last month I had an opportunity to have a really good discussion with an ICU nurse.  A woman who just speaks her mind, always gracious when doing so, but never hesitates to share what she has to say.  In our discussion she described scenes from the the ICU.  Seeing so many people hurting.  The 18 year old laying in the ICU bed with a family member literally laying in tears across them as they pass on. The old man who thinks hes alone only to have a child arrive. The addict whose wife is now watching them fight to live.  The discussion was good, but it was one comment that just hit me. "We are all someone's person."  We are all someones 18 year old.  It was a very good conversation that left me with many thoughts running through my head, but I didn't realize just how it impacted me until later that day when I again heard the Jason Gray song on the radio.

Here is what my heart just has held to.  If we are all someones "special someone" and we are loved then can you imagine just how much my heavenly father loves me?  Just who am I in his eyes?  Wow, I don't know why this song and this conversation were what triggered this in my mind, but how can we, on earth, show love that is anything compared to heavenly love?  We weep when our love ones are ill, or when they are brought to challenge that seems just to much to bear.  Yet, the way that feels to us is nothing compared to the love that is shown from above.

In some ways I feel like there is no way to put the thoughts from my head into writing.  I know that when I look back and read this I will understand the way that this impacted me.  I know that I will always remember the moment I was so hit by this. I just want for us all to remember we are ALL his "special someone." His love is so much more then we could ever imagine. We are all his beloved!

Now, listen to and enjoy the song that has touched me so.