Admiring The Beautiful Things: Joanne Mabel Moebus

I have to say that it has taken me some time to get to a point of being able to write this post. For those who do not know, Joanne Mabel Moebus was my Grandmother. Part of me wants to say that it is unfortunate that we lost her on March 26, 2013. However, part of me can not help but be thankful and rejoice that she is no longer suffering, her healed body walking the streets of heaven. No doubt, bringing joy to those around her with her heartfelt smile and laugh.

I have to say that I have debated about what to include in this blog. I started with the normal stuff about where and when she was born, her childhood, etc. But I decided that where she was born and what her childhood was like, aren't the things that I think of when I remember her. Although these things definitely make up part of who she is, I took a different route.

I literally sit here shaking my head. How does one even begin to write something when their head is moving faster then their hands can ever keep up? I guess I have delayed writing this because part of me feels that no matter what I put in words, I will never be able to accurately describe the woman she was to me or how she impacted my life, or what life is like without her. I just can't do it justice, no matter how hard I try. However, I feel drawn to write this. It is one step of closure for me. One step of putting into writing the things that I someday want Paityn to remember about her Great-Grandmother and the women that she was.

Grimolkin. That is what I called her. You see, when we were kids my brother and I were blessed to spend several years with my Grandma living right around the corner from us. I can't even begin to detail the hours of time that we spent at her place, but I can confidently say that every one of them was filled with laughter and memories. Movies and milkshakes had a whole new meaning to my brother, Tom and I after those year. One afternoon in particular, I got this brilliant idea to tease her and call her Grimolkin. I have to say that she wasn't exactly thrilled by the name. I would get a stern look each time she heard it. With Grandma, hearing her say your name and point her finger at you with a certain tilt of her head was enough for you to know that you better not pursue that area/topic. Well, I just couldn't let it go. Right until the time of her death I loved to call and hear the chuckle in her voice when I would say, "Hi Grimolkin, It's me." We had gotten past the point of getting in trouble for it. It really was a term of endearment. She knew that no one else could fill the shoes of my Grimolkin.

As the time since her death has gone by, I have spent many hours trying to remember some of the many things about her and her influence that made me who I am today. There are some that I am sure I will never be able to remember or maybe not even know, but I also know that there are some things that are definitely part of me because of her. How about these to name a few: I am always drawn to the Viva paper towels, I love a good smothered burrito, Yes, I do enjoy SPAM sandwiches, I love a good romance book, I like to write letters (the old fashioned put in the mail kind), I try to always see the positive in a situation, I love everything about Christmas, I collect bells (something Grandma and I both did), sometimes a hug can make it better, I love to paint my nails, No restaurant milkshake ever seems just right, I love to have my hair brushed (Grandma and I spent hours brushing each others hair), oh and don't forget, I NEVER put tomatoes in the fridge. She might roll over in her grave if she saw me do that.

I don't know how long it will take me, if ever, to fully adjust to life without her here. I can't even begin to count the number of times that I have picked up the phone to call her only to realize that she isn't there anymore. In the beginning I got as far as calling only to hear the operator say the number was no longer in service. I would spend the rest of that day feeling like part of me was empty. I just can't quite bring myself to erase her from my contacts in my phone. It's like part of me feels a calming effect to see her name and picture still in that everyday part of life.

Mom's Wedding in 2002

I can't sit and think of her without getting tears in my eyes. However, my heart feels such joy knowing that she is my Lord and it is for that reason alone that the hurt is bearable. You see, there has never been, nor will there probably ever be someone just like my Grandma in my life. There are years earlier in life that I would never have survived if not for her. She made me a priority no matter what time, no matter what issue, no matter what. She accepted collect calls. No matter what she had at that moment, she was overjoyed when she would hear from one of us Grand-kids.

I am famous for my talking. Never have had a problem coming up with something to say. But, with Grandma it was different. We both talked. We both listened. We enjoyed the stories we could tell, I cherished and learned from the advise she gave. She wasn't just my family member, not just my Grandma... she was my dearest friend.

I had a good laugh at myself recently. I gave myself a Grandma scolding. You see, it wasn't uncommon to call Grandma and start talking about whatever was on my mind, only for her to say, "Jenifer, we both know how you are. How should you....?" She never meant the part about knowing how I am as a bad thing. She just reminded me in point blank words of what it takes to deal with "me." Well, I had to laugh as I was driving down the road imagining exactly what I would say if I could call her right at that moment. Within moments I could hear her answer in my head... "Jenifer...." The soft chuckle and advise that usually followed will always stick with me.

Since the time of Grandma's death it has been interesting to see how Paityn was also effected by this woman. During a recent sermon at church we were asked to write five things that we feel blessed by. The first one on Paityn's list was knowing that "Grams", as Paityn called her, was in a better place and not suffering. Or a couple nights ago when I came home from work with a treat for Paityn and she said it reminded her of Grams because she always has something special, just for Paityn. Paityn remembers sitting in the chair and reading with her, or watching movies with her, or begging Grams to be able to play with one of her many stuffed animals. I am saddened that she is not here to celebrate more life with Paityn, but I will never be able to explain how grateful I am for the time they did have and the memories they did make.

I know that life without my Grandma will go on. However, she has touched me in ways that her memories will never die. I won't ever be able to see the temperature reach 50 without chuckling to myself. She always said that it didn't matter how nice outside it was, the moment it was 50, it was cold.

Every year during daylight savings time change I will get a smile of memory for her. I love to fall back to winter time and she always loved to spring ahead to summer time. We used to joke about who got to be happy based on what time of year it was. No situation in life will come without me thinking about what my Grandma would have said about it. There will be days of tears for missing her and there will days of unexplained laughter for her memories. However, I know that someday we will see each other again and for that I am thankful. It brings some level of peace knowing that she is being held by my heavenly father, is walking on healed legs and is surely bringing joy to those around her.

Tonight, as I sat here bringing this to a close, I could hear the soft rumble of thunder in the background and was again reminded of the woman that I write about. When I was young, during a visit to see her in Colorado Springs, a horrible thunder storm came. I was scared to death of the storm that was raging outside my window. She climbed onto the bed with me. She talked to me about how the rain is just God watering his garden so that it can grow and how the thunder was nothing to be scared of because it was all part of that. We laid in the bed that night and created a memory that I will forever cherish. Years later, I realized that the moment in the rain storm with Grandma I learned a very important lesson that ironically has helped me deal with her loss. Even in the storm of life, there is a calm, reassuring comfort of knowing that it is only a "growing" rain causing it. See, the time of her death is a storm, raging outside. However, in this moment I know that during that same storm, there is a calm. There is a peace that can only come from knowing that God is doing his watering. We are all here to grow. He calls us when our time is up and he wants us to be by his side. As much I miss her, as much as life seems to be so altered without her here, I can sit back and enjoy this storm knowing who is the cause and what the end result was.

God, I so dearly thank you for the blessing of my relationship with my Grandma. She is in your arms now and I ask you just to give her an extra squeeze for me.