Who's The Two Year Old Now???

Have you ever watched a 2 year old throw a complete temper tantrum.  The kind that make you laugh inside.  The ones where they are SO upset for no reason at all.  Yeah, I think any parent can say that they have seen those a time or two.  BUT... what do you do when you find that you are the one who just threw the temper tantrum.  Yep, me, the 35 year old me! Are you wondering yet what my problem was?  Oh, don't worry, I'll tell you.

Here's the scene: We, as a family, decide to run to Sams to grab a few things we are needing.  We all jump in the van and off we go.  I was feeling a bit off.  Didn't feel hungry, had drank my morning coffee (what I do every morning) and had a protein bar to snack on if I did get hungry.  We arrived at Sams and began our wondering.  Oh, come on, you all know we do it.  You go into a store like that for one thing and the next thing you know, you are wondering around looking at stuff that you have no intention of buying.  Or, even worse, looking at stuff that you didn't plan on buying and walk out with.  I continued to feel off.  I was getting grouchy.  No nice way to put it.  I was a grouch.  By the time we left Sams, I think Corbin and Paityn were both aware of my mood change.  I blammed it on the "stupid people" who couldn't drive through the parking lot, the amount of traffic that was out for a weekend morning, wanting to just be at home.  I had all kinds of thoughts in my head for what the reason was that I was slowing turning into Godzilla!

We made it home and everyone began to eat.  Corbin had his eclair, Paityn had her donut and I had my healthy egg bake.  As I sat there, I lost it.  You see, it wasn't that I really wanted those things, but it was the idea that I was SO hungry (yep, somewhere in there hunger kicked in) that anything looked good and their treats just sounded better to me.  Not a problem, I'll switch what I am eating for something else.  I have some pretty good protein bars with flavors that really are good for a sweet tooth craving.  I will grab one of those.  Apple Pie won on that morning.  A fresh apple smell.  Only one small problem... I couldn't get the silly wrapper off for the life of me.  My Godzilla mode kicked into full gear.  I started crying, I threw the protein bar on the table and I stormed off to my room.  I still had no idea what it was that I was doing.  I felt like someone watching a movie scene.  I couldn't be the one that was THIS upset about not being able to get the wrapper off.  It just couldn't be me.

I wiped my tears and returned to the living room where I found that Paityn had unwrapped my protein bar and was waiting for me with it in hand and ready to eat.  I sat down, pouty face and all, and began to eat my bar.  As the food started to fill my stomach I began to feel just how off I had been.  I felt that every bite brought me one step closer to myself.  With that came new tears.  Tears of embarrassment for the way I had behaved and how unprepared I had been for such a simple family outing.  I apologized to my family and watched as they so graciously loved me through my tantrum.

Did you read the second paragraph closely?  Did you notice that I said I had a protein bar with me?  Yeah, that was the worst part.  It wasn't actually unprepared at all.  I had exactly what I needed.  The thing was, I ignored the signs.  I trusted that not feeling hungry was what I needed to go on.

The lesson in all of this is that all those around me now know that if I am "off" they are to make sure I have eaten recently.  I have never struggled with low blood sugar before.  The idea that it comes on so quickly is a new thing for me and an adjustment that I guess after 32 years of diabetes, I wasn't prepared for.

I have been so blessed by Corbin and Paityn.  They love me, even in the midst of my tantrum.  They graciously open their arms up to me when I apologized.  And... now they ask if I have eaten lately before I walk out the door.

So, 35.4 pounds down and many more to go, but I am thankful for the daily reminders of what a blessed life I have.  On this day the blessing was a daughter who opened my protein bar and a husband who made me laugh by telling me I could lick the chocolate off his eclair if I wanted to.  You see, even in the trials of this journey, God constantly reminds me that this is a roller coaster that I would never want to get off of.  The anxiety of not knowing what the next turn is, is always rewarded by the thrill of the spin/drop after.

Now, go and seriously laugh at me and my tantrum story.  Come on, I know that all who know me are truly trying not to laugh at how I must have looked! I am sure Paityn could imitate me if asked to!