Admiring The Beautiful Things: Joy in the Journey

I have decided that I am obsessed with the dictionary. I am a horrible speller (thank you, Lord, for whoever created spell check) and usually have a hatred for the dictionary because it is a reminder of just how horrible I am at something that others master so easily. However, in the last several months I have found that I not only want to use words that seem important, but I want to know the exact definition of these words. Today the word is JOURNEY.

Webster dictionary defines journey as: an act of traveling from one place to another.

I recently purchased a necklace charm for myself. It says "find joy in the journey." I truly have been feeling that the word journey accurately describes the last four to five months for me. And, I would even say that it has been so easy to find joy in that journey... BUT... not everything is joyful.

The time period between month three and four for me included, an emergency trip to Arizona when my Dad was admitted to the hospital unexpectedly (thankfully, he is doing great now), a coworker committing suicide (as a close team, we were more then derailed by this event), a story being released about me and my bariatric surgery and getting severely ill, and I mean severely.

So, how do you find joy in the journey when the month seems to filled with these types of negative events? Although at the immediate moment, it was not easy, looking back, I don't know that this was really hard for me. The joy in my father being hospitalized was the moment he gave me a hug out of the hospital and was harassing me again. The joy in being ill was that it made me slow down to a level of slow that I would never volunteer for. However, in that slowing down I had a lot of fun evenings with Paityn and even managed to have a great time at the high school youth retreat for church. As hard as it is to comprehend to some, there was even joy during the time of my coworkers death. The pure joy that he brought to all of us on a daily basis was so evident as we all sat around telling funny stories about him. He was a joker and we found that we never lacked for smiles when he was around. His death was tragic, but I know that we were all so blessed to have had him in our lives for the time we did. So, see, joy can even be found in the tragedy.

Joy in the easy times, like the story being released about me, seemed so easy, but I found that even that was different. Joy, although present during hard times, is hard. This story was an amazing opportunity! I was interviewed early in the month by the marketing department at the hospital that I work at, which also is the health system that did my bariatric surgery. The article approaches the joy of my bariatric surgery in regards to the changes in my diabetes. I had a ton of fun doing the interview for this and was so blessed by what was written. It is hard to do an interview and have no idea exactly what will end up in the text. Please, click here if you would like to read that story. Anyone who knows my history with Diabetes and the difficult patient that I am should read this. It was a great adventure, including a trip for pictures two nights before it was released. I don't take pics of myself at the gym (one suggestion was for a pic of Paityn and I working out) and all other pics of Paityn and I were pre-weight loss. So, we had a great night of running for some last minute pics to be used.

Now, that all being said, that isn't what I am writing to focus on this month. The past month brought a level of challenge to me that I was not expecting, at an unexpected time, and with no time to prepare. In all of that, I discovered that the changes in me, both physically and mentally, brought changes in how I handled this situation. The trip to Arizona meant packing protein packed snacks for my flight (with no time to run to the store and plan accordingly) and turning down the soda that I had gotten on every single flight I have ever taken in my life. I expected these changes to be hard as they were firsts for me, but they weren't. A vitamin water, some beef jerky and I was ready to roll. This also presented my first time of being in a cafeteria I didn't know, at a fast food place with no idea what to eat and without my shelf of "me" snacks at my ready disposal. I survived like a champ. I have learned to "play" with my food to make it what I need to be and to never be afraid to be the pain the butt orderer when eating out. I am sure I provide many people with laughs, but in the end, I did just fine.

Now, what about the day we learned of James death. We stood around the main desk in our office with every level of staff around us. It was the day before Valentines and there was no lack of chocolate to eat. One person finally grabbed a bag of chocolate and just started handing it out to people. Again, this was the first severely stressful situation, that I would have normally turned to food, that I had been in. I have had everyday stress, but this was the perfect moment for stress eating. Although I did miss one meal and regretted it later, I found that turning down the chocolate was no challenge. James had cheered me every step of the way while losing my weight and had many talks with me about working out. I had no problem turning down those things in that moment. However, the ease of that first few days wore off as the first week passed. It was hard to be at work, I was busy at home and school just seemed like a ridiculous thing to be dealing with that moment. Once again though, I found that looking back, I may have had a few bumps in the road, but survived in ways I never thought possible.

I had a really hard time standing on the scale on February 15th to weigh myself and having Paityn take that months pictures. To me, it seemed that these were two things that meant so little in light of what the last 48 hours had been for those around me. However, I did it. I stood on that scale and stood for those photos. Now I am glad that I did. I have been able to realize that these two things are joy in my journey. The scale reminds me on a daily basis that I am making progress. Sometimes it goes the direction I would prefer not, but the overall trend is still down, and for that I am thankful. The pictures seem to be tapering off in the drastic changes, but they are a reminder to me of the changes that have come.

So, you have listened to me babble about this past months journey. In all actuality, it is even more then that as I am only a week away from the next months day for pics. In the end of all of this I hope that you see a couple different things:

Life is something that we all need to appreciate each day. I never thought my father would be in the hospital and I would lose a team member all in one week. Appreciate those that are there on a daily basis as they are a blessing.
Life is not a flat road. It will be ever changing. The hills seem so ridiculous, but at the top of that hill is either a gorgeous view of below or the beauty of the mountain waiting. Don't ever let the hills become more than the wait for the beauty.
Remember to not be hard on yourself. I am the first to pick apart what I have done and figure out where I messed it up. As I said, I hit a few bumps in the road with my food and workouts this month, but I also need to remember the things I conquered, like not eating chocolate when all around me turned to it in a time of challenge. Reward yourself for your victories and the mess ups don't seem so bad.
FIND THE JOY IN THE JOURNEY! It is there, go searching for it!