How will it define you? What an interesting question to be asked by your doctor. I can honestly say that as I walked away from that conversation I was so thankful for her approach and the message that she relayed.
For years I have had one thing after another in the form of aches and pains. There was always a logical reason for it. Tennis elbow from typing for years, Sciatic pain from straining my sciatic nerve, walked too hard, moved around too little. It seemed that there has always been a good reason... until recently. I found that the amount of pain I have been in grew more and more, but my logical reasons were fewer and fewer. With a family history of several different diagnosis that could be causing this, I decided it was time to go and see my doctor.
As I sat in the office on that Friday afternoon I told them every little thing I could think of that might give some clue or another. I gave a detailed family history. I gave my detailed medical history. After some conversation I found that I already had a lot of ruling things out done because of my years with diabetes and thyroid disease. There was no need to test my thyroid or to test for certain vitamin deficiencies as these are things I already have done on a regular basis. It became clear very quickly that the doctor had her diagnosis in mind. Fibromyalgia. One of the parts of my family history. As I sat there she looked at me and asked, "If I find that this is fibromyalgia, do you want to know. And, how will it define you?" Wow, such a question to be asked. All I could think of was to be honest. Yes, I do want to know. As I sat there I told her that as a child I had to be moved from elementary classes. I had kids refuse to sit at tables with me. All of these things were because of my diabetes. However, that didn't define me. I was still a social child who, instead of allowing those things to hurt me, I found friends who loved me for just who I was. A new diagnosis would never define me, It would just give me the answers that I need to know.
Part of a fibromyalgia diagnosis is testing for what they call "Trigger Points." These are spots on your body that hurt when pressure is applied to them. In order to get the diagnosis of fibromyalgia you are supposed to have 11 of 18 trigger points. As I felt pressure after pressure on my body the answer became clear. I had 15 out of 18 trigger points. She looked at me and said she was sorry, but she was certain that fibromyalgia is the cause of my pain.
What a moment. The symptoms, the tests, the diagnosis, a new medication, a new item on my medical history. In so many ways I was flooded with emotions. I left that office feeling so thankful for the answer.
As I was preparing to walk out with printouts of information, my new prescription and a guarantee from my doctor to help me get to the bottom of what will be best for me, I had to stop. I had to ask if she had ever had someone tell her "no" they didn't want to know. She said she didn't think that she ever had. She just hates to see patients who decide that the diagnosis has to mean the end of life. They stop doing things, they stop looking for answers and decide that the disease will define them. My reply to her was that if I can lose 60 pounds and be able to tackle things like running and hiking again, all while this disease is attacking me, then there is no way it would define me. However, as I left I felt like what she asked was so much of a deeper question then I had opportunity to discuss with her.
What defines me? It isn't the medical history that I have. Although, that makes part of who I am, it isn't what defines me. What about being a mother, wife, sister, friend? No, those things do not define me either. The only thing that defines me is being a child of my Lord. He alone can define who I am. I am his beloved. I am his cherished child. That is what defines me.
Now, the future for me means a dose of a daily medication to help manage the pain. After a week and a half on this medicine I am discovering that it is helping quit a bit. There are all kinds of different options for if that course of treatment doesn't work in the future, but for now I am thankful for the answers that I got and the relief I am feeling.
So, as there is yet another challenge in my life, I am reminded that, in reality, it isn't a challenge at all. It is just another opportunity for me to grow closer to my Lord and to thank him for the answers he provided on that day, not only the medical answer, but the answer he put on my heart. He alone defines me.
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